Story of a woman respected in the community, but humbled at home

It was during the training seminar on domestic violence prevention and combating, conducted within ‘Protection and Empowerment of Human Trafficking and Domestic Violence Victims in Moldova’ project, when Raisa M., 48, decided to approach one of the specialists and recount her story.  It is a sad, yet touching, story about an intelligent woman with a liable position in the village, who has long helped domestic violence victims to fight this phenomenon, but who had no courage to do the same herself.

Raisa’s first marriage did not work well. Her husband was jealous of her success and left her going abroad and abandoning their two daughters with no support or financial help. Over two years after leaving her husband, she decided to retune her life. While being at the sanatorium, she met Vasile, “a handsome prince to face, but rotten at heart”, as she would later realize. “He was a nice looking and friendly man, who made gifts, brought flowers, managed to convince me he was the best on earth. He told he was in the process of divorce and he did not have luck in life. I believed and accepted him.”   

Twelve social workers from Soldanesti, Rezina and Anenii Noi have been trained on how to communicate with domestic violence victims

Twelve social workers from several Moldovan villages and regions participated in the first training specialized in preventing and assisting domestic violence cases. During two days, the workers learnt how to avoid family conflicts and what communication and counseling techniques to adopt for families affected by violence. The workshop was organized by ‘Gender-Centru’ NGO with financial aid from UNFPA, United Nations Population Fund.

Maria Cojocaru from Tahnauti village, Rezina region, is one of the training participants. She has been a social worker for two and a half years. She serves for two villages – Tahnauti, which she lives in, and Tareuca, a neighboring locality. Every day, even in rain, wind or snow, she has to travel on foot a three-kilometer-long distance to get in Tareuca, where the city hall of both communities resides. With the monthly salary barely reaching 1,500 lei, this woman continues to do her work and is very happy when she manages to help someone. However, her eyes are filling in with tears every time she thinks about misfortunes. “Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who are suffering in silence because of all the violence. They have no money; no place to go. They are ashamed. There live at least 30 families with such problems in my village. With all these, only two cases have been officially registered, that is victims have addressed specialists and received aid”, she says.   

What does domestic violence mean, how to respect oneself, which are the sexually transmitted diseases-here are some issues which 15 roma young people from Moldova discussed during a seminar of peer educators, held in Vadul lui Voda, in June. During 5 days, the participants had a chance to study intensely and spend differently their holiday.

Youth aged between 12 and 18, who gathered from all corners of Moldova, got used very fast to each other. At the end of the seminar, they all made friends for life. When I visited them in Vadul lui Voda, they had the session of sexual education and I could notice the way some of them covered their eyes or they were ashamed of some sensitive topics. Step by step, they got used to and became curious to find many things, asking the trainers in the field of reproductive health, Simion Sirbu, many questions.

It was the first time that Nicolae M., precinct police inspector from Soldanesti District, northern Moldova, knew how to respond when a woman, who had just become the victim of domestic violence, came to him. During the previous eight years of work experience as a policeman, he received many similar claims, which he usually treated superficially and settled mainly from a procedural point of view. When women did not want to file claims against the aggressors or did not want to send the aggressors to court, he just followed their wish and did not bother trying to convince them. "I was only applying a fine to the aggressor who would promise not to beat his wife anymore. I would also talk with the victim who would usual be ashamed of what had happened and would rather go home as soon as possible, away from prying eyes. So, things would be settled for a while. But the situation could happen again", Nicolae tells us regretfully.

"Such situations are widespread in Moldova - explains Valentina Bodrug-Lungu, a national expert in gender problems. - And this is because of the deeply-rooted tradition that "an unbeaten woman is like a house that was not swept" or "a beating is from Paradise." The situation is rather bad, as one in three physically-abused women considers that it was she who provoked the conflict, so the community does not pay much attention to this phenomenon, and the professionals are unmotivated to tackle the issue in a comprehensive manner."